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Our minds are interesting creations. Sometimes I can barely remember what I was doing 5 minutes beforehand, and yet I can distinctly remember crying like a fire hose as a 4 year old pre-schooler when my mom was a whole five minutes late to pick me up from school (she had gotten pulled over for speeding trying not to be late to pick me up, ironically) and all the other kids were already gone. What makes some memories so vivid, and some memories so transient?

I’m not going into any kind of psychological discourse here - I’ve read some stuff about how sensory perceptions (especially smell) can help create discrete memories that last. I just wanted to reflect on the last 3 years of my life - the time since my older brother Oliver passed away. Since then, I’ve graduated from college, moved to Seattle, gotten a “real job,” left the job, went back, gotten laid off last month (more about that in a future post), started dating an amazing girl last year, and so many other “life events” that he wasn’t around to witness.

I often talk about Oliver as a teacher - which he was to his high school science students, but he was also a great teacher to his friends and family.As his younger brother, perhaps I was under his tutelage longer than anyone else. When I was little, as many older siblings have the pleasure of, he took care of me, helped teach me and shaped my world. From preventing a little toddler from bumping my head on a table, to teaching me how to mow the lawn, to helping me understand Calculus in high school, he was always there.

I remember one of the last pieces  of advice he gave me was when I was choosing jobs during my last quarter of college. It was between Intuit, based in Mountain View, CA - just 20 minutes from Stanford, and Microsoft - up in the unknown land of Redmond, WA. I told him what I saw as the pros and cons of each, my hopes and fears about both companies, and then asked him: What should I do? As any good teacher knows, you don’t just answer a question with an answer, but you answer it with another question. Basically he told me this: What do you want to do? It’s your decision, I can’t make it for you. You have to follow your gut, trust your instincts. It’s your life, and you’re the one who will live with the consequences (both good and bad) of your decision. It’s a big decision, but it’s not that big. Making a decision doesn’t lock you in for life.

He gave me the freedom to choose. In other cases (like should I buy this new bike or not, or who should I draft first in fantasy football) he gave me concrete advice and a specific recommendation. In this case, I think he wanted me to realize that I was now old enough and mature enough to make my own decision. He was allowing me to grow up. Instead of allowing me to use his advice as crutch, he was empowering me to make my own decisions and trust myself. He believed in me, and he loved me. That was the greatest gift of all.Back to memories - Even though it’s been a long three years in some ways, Oliver still lives stong in my memory. Perhaps some of the periphery details are blurring - what color shirt was he wearing at our grandma’s birthday party - but the important details still stand out.

Just two days ago, I had a dream with him in it. I don’t recall exactly what was going on, but it was a pretty simple dream - we were just hanging out, seeing a movie together, driving around the flat concrete mass that is Houston. It was so normal, just everyday stuff. And that was the beauty of it. It helps me to realize that even though he’s gone, he’s still around. He’s with me everyday.

Instead of trying to chase the moving target of happiness as I am almost always trying to do. I want to sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy today. Celebrate today. My family. My friends. Oliver’s story of supposedly being completely healthy at age  25 (coincidentally my current age), and then being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and eventually passing away at age 28 reminds me that life is indeed but an eyeblink. Am I enjoying it? Am I making a difference? I know Oliver did. I don’t want to stand still as the eyelid closes. But I also don’t want to be so busy with “stuff” that I forget about what’s most important. People.

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Somehow I’m only blogging on particular days like birthdays, but I am working on getting over my need for ‘perfection’ and simply writing less polished blog posts so I don’t feel like it will take too much time. For now though, I’ll just spend a few minutes to remember my brother’s 31st birthday. 

 I thought about what I might write here earlier this week, but nothing really special came up to me. You see, for awhile after Oliver passed away I didn’t necessarily want to remember him all that much, the pain was too raw.In no way has that pain diminished in the past 3 years, but somehow I’ve been able to live with it. I don’t want to see I’ve gotten used to it, because I haven’t really. If I were used to it, it would be as if I had forgotten him. I wouldn’t feel my heart wrenching with sorrow when I watch little boys in my Sunday school class - seeing an older brother protectively take his younger brother under his wing. Sometimes, yes I do feel jealous and robbed of a relationship. But in the end I am happy for those two little boys, and I’m happy that I had my first 22 years of my life with my older brother watching over me. So it’s a combination of sorrow/nostalgia/joyful tears that I feel every so often. 

  I talked to my sister last night and my mom this morning and we’re all a mindful of what day it is and it’s nice to be able to call each other and share our feelings, though it is still too infrequent (and usually my fault, admittedly). But still, we are an imperfect family striving to love each other the way God loves us.

This is so embarassing, but I’m posting a photo from his college graduation anyway.

 Today, I’ll probably just donate to his memorial fund at MD Anderson Cancer Center,  buy a small cake and share it with some friends later today, and say a prayer thanking God for the 28 years Oliver had, and I believe that our relationship has grown even stronger in the 3 years since he’s left us, which is more than an adequate birthday present for anyone.

Besides, I felt Oliver’s prescence last night as I cheered on the Houston Rockets to win their first playoff series in 12 years. So if anyone wonders why I’m so fanatical about my team, part of the reason is because Oliver and I grew up watching the Rockets on TV and some of my fondest memories of us together was going to the arena to watch regular season, playoff and even NBA Finals games with him.  Now if we can just get past the Lakers . . .

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I turned 25 a little over a week ago. But this post won’t be my annual reflective birthday post. Perhaps later this week. I DO want to talk about my celebration, though, and how through the use of Facebook and Twitter, I was able to encourage my friends and family to collectively donate almost $2,500 to the non-profit Room to Read which builds schools, libraries and provides girls’ scholarships in developing nations like Nepal, Vietnam, India and South Africa. 

I had the idea to host a birthday photo fundraiser party at my house. I asked a few of my photographer friends to donate some prints to add to photo’s I’ve taken, and we sold them through a silent auction with 100% of the sales benefiting Room to Read. Additionally, I used the application Facebook Causes to create a Birthday Cause where I could invite my friends to donate. Currently, I’ve raised $987 offline and $1,430 through my Birthday Cause, so I’m up to $2,417 - just $83 shy of my goal of raising $2,500 for my 25th birthday. If you would like to contribute to the cause, simply visit my Birthday Cause and you can make a donation there :).

From 25th Birthday Photo Fundraiser

Whether or not I reach my exact goal, I am so thankful to my friends for supporting me through online donations, providing photos, helping set up/clean up the house, preparing food, decorating and much, much more! I could write a whole other post about how grateful I am for my community here in Seattle and my family and friends around the world. Back to how I raised the money though, I read a few blog posts by Beth Kanter and Amy Sample Ward about how they raised money for their birthdays, and I encourage you all to check them out and promote your own causes for your birthdays! The main strategies I used were:

1. Link my Twitter updates to Facebook using the Twitter Facebook App
2. Each day, try to get at least 5 people to donate
3. Update my status at least twice a day, asking for TWO (or how many people I needed to reach my goal) to donate that day
4. Update it more frequently on the 2 days before my birthday and on the actual day itself
5. Change my profile photo to the non-profit’s logo (more of a gesture to just promote awareness)
6. Explicitly state how much I had raised so far, and how much more I needed to reach my goal.

I could have done more through inviting people, sending them personal emails, but because of the photo fundraiser, I was able to email the guests (those who came, and those who didn’t, too) an update before the party, and also after the party. Mainly, it was through people seeing my status though. 

 In conclusion, I’m not really saying that Facebook and Twitter by themselves will save the world, but they are useful tools that can be used for more than telling people what you ate for lunch, or sharing news stories (though I enjoy those uses, too). All in all, I think the way we interact through social media is changing us in more ways than we realize: how we keep in touch, plan events, raise money, and even how we celebrate our birthdays.

  Links:

• Party Photos
• Follow me on Twitter
• Learn more about Room to Read
• Donate to my Birthday Cause

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I guess writing requires a certain amount of inspiration. But if I wasn’t inspired by the events of last night, I don’t know what would inspire me.

As I sat in my living room among friends, we watched the electoral vote count climb higher and higher until Obama hit 270 - actually earlier than we thought it would happen. And after watching McCain’s speech (which was very impressive I thought), we awaited hearing Obama’s victory speech. We began to hear explosions outside, and when we went out to our porch, we saw fireworks flying over Ballard. Cheers rang out down our street from people inside and outside their homes, and we joined in.

Banners on the streets of Chicago this morning. [Credit: silversprite]

My roommates went out to celebrate and told me later that the bar scene was pretty crazy and the streets of Capitol Hill were packed full of spontaneous celebrations. I was feeling pretty tired and had a quiet night of reflection. As excited as I am, I know this is simply the beginning of a time of change for our country. We have a lot to do, but I take hope in the fact that we finally have a President I can be proud to support as an adult.

You see, growing up in Texas I was pretty patriotic -it was somewhat indoctrinated into me as a Boy Scout. We all loved the first Bush, and W was a pretty good governor we thought. I swear he came to my school once. I remember “voting” in the 2000 election at Jersey Village High School and proudly cast my vote for George W. Bush. Though he won our school election in a landslide, we were all worried when the results were too close to call until weeks later. Thankfully, the “good guy” won.

My views only changed after moving to California and going to Stanford. I credit the atmosphere there and especially my freshman roommate Jon who was a huge liberal. We would have debates in our room about the Iraq war and where or not it was about WMDs or oil. I think I finally started singing a new tune when then evidence was released about no WMDs in Iraq.

Since then it’s been a gradual change from the Republican side to the Democrats. I voted absentee in Texas (from Stanford) for Kerry, but still didn’t know that much. The ensuing years allowed me to learn a little more about politics, but I imagine many of my peers and classmates would agree that it was 0nly when Obama began his campaign for President that I really took notice. I read part of his book Audacity of Hope and paid attention to the news more. This was the first year I watched all 3 Presidential debates. I suppose the economy’s sitution and my still somewhat unresolved employment status contributed to my interest.

Yesterday was the first time in a long time I’ve truly been proud to be an American. After dropping off my ballot at the polling center, I eagerly awaited the results. And as the night’s events unfolded, my eyes teared up, my heart swelled, and I had flashbacks of singing patriotic songs at Reed Elementary School in Houston.

I’m excited to see what impact his election will have in the US, but also around the world as people’s perceptions change. Maybe I won’t have to sew a Canadian flag on my backpack anymore. More than simply watch though, I think we all (especially young Americans) need to continue our involvement with the political system. It’s begun, and Obama will lead the country, but we will each contribute to our children’s future in our own unique ways.

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It’s hard to believe that two years ago today my brother Oliver passed away at the age of 28. I had been home only a week after graduating college and going on a retreat. Yet I felt lucky to come home to the fragile and frail arms of my older brother Oliver. The arms that used to punish and hurt me as we fought growing up were thin and weak. I gave him a hug gingerly, not wanting to hurt him. I wish he could have been able to fly to California for my commencement like he was planning on before, but it was impossible because of his weakness.

Oliver and I on a bench in Mexico during a family Caribbean cruise, only weeks before his diagnosis. Apparently I was saying something pretty funny or pretty stupid since he’s laughing.

During the last week of his life I remember a few moments very vividly. On the Sunday after I got back there was a blockage in one of his fluid tubes, and he wasn’t able to get hydrated for a few minutes. All of a sudden, he fell unconscious and unresponsive. We kept trying to wake him up, but he wouldn’t wake up. My mom was freaking out, which scared me, since she had always been with him and knew what was normal and what wasn’t. I mean, we all knew that this could be it, and that it was his time very soon, but I guess once it gets to that moment you don’t want to let go. My aunt Edith was visiting us from the Philippines where she is a pastor there. She’s told me about performing miracles and healing people but I was very skeptical (Yeah, I know, you think I should believe my own aunt, but it was hard). She starts praying for him, calling on the power of Jesus Christ and yelling at Satan to get out. Weird noises and ululations spring from her mouth and later I understand that to be the language of tongues (which also weirded me out back then and admittedly a little now, too). Pretty soon after her intense prayer, we see that the hydration tube is dripping again and the blockage is unclogged. Moments afterward, Oliver wakes up. We are all relieved and so happy. Was it truly a miracle? A result of the prayer, or just an inevitable unclogging of the tube? I don’t have the absolute answer, but I believe in miracles. I believe I witnessed one.

We had gone to Galveston (I think) to go fishing, and I guess he was a little bored that night, or at least uninterested in taking silly photos.

The other memory I treasure from that week was the one night that my mom entrusted me to spend the night with Oliver in the living room. He was sleeping downstairs because it took so much energy to climb the stairs to his room. Mainly I just needed to help him to the bathroom in the middle of the night because he couldn’t get up or sit down by himself. It was such a weird feeling to be able to lift my brother (maybe 80 or 90 pounds at this point) with such ease when I remember him always towering over me and being bigger and stronger than me. I was humbled by the way he allowed me to take care of him, and now I connect it to reading Tuesdays with Morrie when the Morrie allowed himself to be completely pampered (because he had to) in his last weeks as well.

No words were really spoken that night, but it was one of my last nights with him alive, and I didn’t really know what to say anyway. It was what it was. Two brothers together, now the younger one supporting the older one. A role reversal where I did my best to repay him for paving the way for me, being an example and guiding me. He was always a solid rock I could count on, so I did the best I could to be there for him. Even for one night.

Oliver, Randy and I hanging out during Christmas break 2004.

I could write more, but I think I’ll save some tears for a time of quiet reflection later today. To all our family, friends, and Oliver’s friends: Thanks for being there for us, we love you dearly and will never forget the tremendous support you gave us throughout his illness and especially dating back to two years ago this week. I hope you can each take a moment today or this week to pause and reflect on Oliver’s life and death and how it has affected you, and still is today.

Before I end with an e-mail Oliver wrote to his whole high school (where he taught science class) about his diagnosis and treatment, I just want to write an open message to him.

Oliver,

Two years later there are still really no words I can use to express my gratefulness, gratitude and love I still have for my older brother. You were always the one I could count on, who would be there no matter how big or small the problem I had was. I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise when you became a teacher since you were always ’schooling’ me - whether in mario kart or about real life: school, girls, how to treat people. I still miss you every day, and perhaps the most today more than any other day of the year. Though you aren’t with us, you still speak to me daily through the example you set, the way you followed your heart has allowed me to follow mine. I love you.

Always your little brother,

Darwin

 

I think the way Oliver would like to be remembered most vividly is not the weeks or months before his passing, but rather the way he fought so fervently against his cancer, especially in the beginning. If you read the rest of the entry, you can get a sense of his ‘voice.’

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in 4 hours I’m departing for one of the 7 wonders of the world: The Grand Canyon. With 3 other friends crazy enough to join me, we’re driving over 1400 miles in 2 days (over 21 hours one-way), and will drive about 3000 miles in 1 week. Yeah, that’s a lot more than the 13 miles I ran 2 weeks ago. Gas prices are crazy, but this is the time to do it.

What am I seeking? I’m not quite sure. I’d say some time away from the craziness of the ‘real world.’ This last week has been nice not working in an office, but I’ve still been really busy with lots of side projects and errands. Part of the inspiration for this trip was Don Miller’s book Through Painted Deserts where he documents a road trip from Houston to the Pacific Northwest (yeah, kinda like me but I didn’t do it all at once in an old Volkswagon van) and has a stopover in the Grand Canyon.

I trust that God will allow us to have a good time, but also that he would speak into my heart and maybe give me a glimpse of all the ridiculously crazy stuff he has for me in the future.

Time to hit the road.

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I opened my inbox this morning and saw an e-mail entitled “Donations for Myanmar Victims.” Blah blah cyclone this, death toll that. I didn’t want to hear about or read another e-mail from the many non-profit e-mail lists I’m subscribed to.

But looking closer I realized it’s not from an organization, but from my friend Dana from college. We were both RAs and we both love social dance. So I read the email below and was moved to donate the meager amount I can afford in my soon to be college-studentesque budget.

Often the damage can be overwhelming, as my rockstar friend George points out. But the little things matter to those who receive the help, and they matter to God.

Over the last year and a half, I have been working with a non-profit organization, IDE (International Development Enterprises - http://www.ideorg.org/ ) on developing a deep lift water pump for villages in the dry areas of Myanmar. I have traveled to their Myanmar office twice and have had a chance to work with these amazing people. They have an incredible team of people working on development for the rural poor.

However, with Cyclone Nargis, the lack of food and shelter, and difficulty in getting aid through the Myanmar military government, IDE Myanmar finds themselves in a unique position to leverage their resources to help. They have operations in almost all of the hard hit areas and they have government permission to work in these areas.

I recently received an email from Jim and Debbie Taylor, the directors of IDE Myanmar and two very close friends: “The current situation in Yangon is quite grim. We have no electricity, water, or phones… the fuel supplies are running short and food may become scarce soon. There are many people who are in desperate conditions.” However, they are doing what they can to help.

I am writing to ask for donations (of any amount) to help them in their efforts. Donations designated for “Myanmar” will go directly to IDE Myanmar, from which they will be able to offer aid to needy families.

https://secure.groundspring.org/dn/index.php?aid=3264

I know it may not seem like as one person we can do much on our own, but if you feel moved by this story and the photo below, I would encourage you to follow the link above and donate what you can.

Note: If you donate, be sure to specify the “Other” option and make the donation “On behalf of: Myanmar Relief”.

I know I haven’t left Microsoft until the end of today, but it’s never to soon to make a difference. It’s too easy for me to grow apathetic to these things but slowly I’m learning to care about more than just myself.

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Today is my second to last day at Microsoft. This may come as a surprise to many of you who I haven’t talked to in awhile. Why am I leaving? Well, the answer to that question is complex, but I’ll attempt to explain. Up front, I want to say that I really respect Microsoft as a company and overall I have had a really good experience there. I learned a lot and I met so many awesome people. That’s what I’m going to miss the most, the people (like my officemate Gary). It’s kind of like breaking up with a girlfriend. No really Microsoft, it’s not you, it’s me. That being said - clearly everything wasn’t fine and dandy at work, or I wouldn’t have left.

 A big part of the reason I’m leaving is the fact that I’ve had 6 different managers at Microsoft. Some of them I really liked and some could have been better. There are a lot of re-org’s where management and group structure changes at Microsoft, but my experience isn’t typical. I’ve bounced around on a lot of different projects, but never really found one I was deeply passionate about. While I could have asked for a new project, or just changed teams within Microsoft, I didn’t feel like I could truly follow my heart at such a big company, and I’ve been yearning for more.

While this book wasn’t the only thing that made me want to leave, it did have a pretty significant impact on how I think about the world and what’s important. I may have to write a more detailed post another time, but basically, I didn’t know what the point of me working at Microsoft for 2, 5 or even 10 years would be. [Note: I am in no way trying to bash Microsofties or other people in the tech industry, the following is simply my personal opinion] Yes, I would be creating cool software and making lots of money, but to what end would all my work be towards? Right now I work for Live Search Mobile which creates software for mobile phones - particularly those phones that have mobile internet. The target audience for our products are power-users, early-adopter and business professionals - basically rich Americans.  And the U.S. is still one of the richest countries in the world. The way I see it, the work I do ultimately is targeted to make life easier for the richest of the rich.

I know that indirectly this can help people, and I realize that if there isn’t anybody innovating then no progress will be made. But for me, I like making direct, visible and tangible impact on the things I am truly passionate about. While I’ve always had a heart for the poor and wanted to help people, I think the moment I realized that I want to dedicate the next season of my life to fight global poverty was when I read the my pastor’s first blog post on fighting poverty. The Sarah McLachlan video in that post had me in tears. 6 months ago I realized I wanted to start making a difference in this world. I didn’t know where to start yet, so I did lots of internet research, read lots of books and talked to as many people as I could about this. Microsoft often has speakers visit to give lectures, and one that caught my eye was when Muhammad Yunus, winner of the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize and basically the founder of Microfinance, came to speak. His talk on social business (how for-profit companies can help eliminate poverty) really inspired me, but I still didn’t know where to start.

It wasn’t until I was separately approached by two different people in Seattle to gauge my interest in helping to starting two distinct ventures to fight global poverty. One would be a non-profit foundation  and the other would be a for-profit business with a focus to empower people in developing nations. While discussions about both opportunities are still in the early stages and no offers or committments have been made yet, this opened my eyes to the possibility of doing work outside of Microsoft. Even if I don’t end up with either of these ventures, I know I will eventually find something similar to dedicate my life to, and I wasn’t finding it at Microsoft. I realized that the only thing that was keeping me at Microsoft was the security it offers. Money.

Now I am extremely blessed to be in the position I’m in.  Having a Stanford Computer Science degree and experience at Microsoft gives me the job security that I could likely find some kind of job to pay the bills if I ever run out of money. I have been saving some money since I started working, and I figure that if I’m frugal I can probably last the summer without completely draining my savings paying for rent, car insurance, my car loan, healthcare, food and my beloved student loans. Most people wouldn’t do this - leave one job intentionally without another job already lined up. But, looking at this quote I wrote on my Facebook profile back in college, I realized I’ve totally been a hypocrite.

For me, nothing is worth doing half-hearted. For anything important to me, I will put my heart and soul into it. I have a “go all the way, balls to the wall, never give up” attitude that originates from my old soccer coach, but I apply it to all the things that I truly care about. Live life passionately, or it’s not worth living.

I’m a different person than the person I was back in March 2006 when I interviewed for this job. Back then my older brother Oliver was still alive and I was more passionate about technology and making money. After his passing, I changed the way I look at the world. Luckily, my parents have a new perspective as well. As I’ve shared before, Oliver chose to be a teacher despite his Chemical Engineering degree (and my parents weren’t that thrilled). But he made the right choice to follow his heart since he only had 3 years to work before he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. Now my parents understand the importance of doing something your passionate about, and they fully support me in my decision. What a blessing.  

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point I stopped being passionate about the work I do at Microsoft. It wasn’t my co-workers or my environment, but when I wasn’t able to be excited about going to work everyday (and I know you can’t really do it everyday), I should have realized I shouldn’t be doing it anymore. Perhaps I’m an idealist, because I know that the majority of people would say they aren’t passionate about their jobs and work is just work - it pays the bills. But at least for now I will maintain my idealism, my belief that God created me unique with particular passions and abilities. I believe there is a place for me to find the intersection of my passions and my talents, and now I’m on a quest to find it.

I already have contacts with various social start-ups, foundations and non-profits and a few informational interviews scheduled. I’m always looking for more, so if you have contacts to pass on, do let me know! I plan to intentionally take some time off to reflect, discern, research and really think about what I should do next with my life. I want to cast a wide net and consider all possibilities. My first choice is to stay in Seattle, though many people predict I will end up back in the Bay Area. I don’t even know if I’ll stay in the United States. My friend Adam is trying to get me to move to Japan with him in the fall, and I’m open to working for NGOs or Microfinance Institutes in Asia, Africa, Latin America or South America.

There are a lot of places out there…

I feel like I’m at a unique point in my life. God has blessed me with youth, health, education and freedom. I’m not responsible for anyone else besides myself. I hope to one day get married and have a family, and when that time comes I probably won’t be able to travel around the world to different third world countries (unless my future wife also wants to do that, which would be sweet!). So that leaves no time like the present. One of my colleagues at M$ told me how he lived in Honduras for a year when he was 24 working at a Microfinance Institute and he said it was one of the best experiences of his life.

For the short term, I’m just taking some time to relax, reflect and research. As for travel my first stop is going to be the Grand Canyon. Other places I plan to go are: Bay Area, Houston, New York City / Boston, etc, Hawaii, and hopefully some other countries eventually. If you have suggestions, do let me know :).

It’s a scary and exciting time for me, but I trust that God will guide me to the right place.

Update: I heard the video in my pastor’s blog doesn’t work anymore, so I added it below. Watch it. Trust me. You will be moved.

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What a day. I woke up at 5am so we could get to the starting line by 6:15am and make sure we were ready when the race started at 7:00am. We had a really late dinner and didn’t get home till midnight. And I couldn’t really go to sleep right away anyway because I was up till 3am the night before. Note to self: be sure to get more sleep and have a better sleep schedule before your next race.

Kenneth and I are really lucky we even got to run in the race. I thought I had signed up online, but I realized I never got a confirmation email, nor was my card ever charged, so I think the web form broke when I signed up back in February (but silly me I never double checked that). So Kenneth and I are basically begging the registration people to let us run even though they were sold out (How you get 7,000 people signed up to run 13.1 miles is beyond me). But Kenneth worked his magic and we got two spots from these two girls who dropped out. Kenneth would be “Heather” and I would be “Cyndi.” Sweet. Luckily, they whited out the girls’ names on our bibs and we got our timing chips reassigned to our names.

Derek, me and Kenneth. If you look closely you can see how I wrote my name over the whited out ‘Cyndi’ while Kenneth’s name ‘Heather’ is still slightly visible.

The course was awesome - going through downtown Vancouver and then all the way around Stanley Park with some absolutely gorgeous scenery. Thank God that the weather was nice - about 40 or 50 degrees with some sunshine most of the way. Man 13 miles was a lot longer than I thought, though. The other guys kept me going and we had a pretty brisk pace for the first 6 miles or so, we were running about 8 and a half minute miles, on pace to finish under 2 hours. But around the 7 mile marker I started to hit a wall. Both ankles were already getting sore, and now the ’stitches’ in my right side were pretty painful and I couldn’t really take even moderately deep breaths. I had to slow my pace down pretty dramatically and I’m thankful Derek and Kenneth stayed with me and kept motivating me to keep going.

To get an idea of what it was like to run in the race, here’s a photo I found on flickr of the Full Marathon start.

Here’s an overhead view of some half-marathon runners. [last 2 photos courtesy: thelastminute]

Honestly though - there were times when I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. Like I said before - it’s more of a mental and psychological challenge. I just couldn’t let failure be an option. And when I didn’t think I could keep going, I used a couple different tactics to stay motivated. I would play songs in my head to keep me upbeat and psyched up. Good thing I was singing Eye of the Tiger at karaoke on Friday, so it was still fresh in my mind. Another great song was the Star Wars main theme. It was the same song I would blast in my dorm room right before I left to go take an final exam. That worked pretty well. Of course thinking of all the encouragement given to me by friends and family was great (so thanks for the kind words, guys!) made it easier.

The three of us exhausted after the race.

But overall, there were times when I really wanted to give up and none of the above tactics worked. Besides praying to Jesus for strength (which definitely helped, too), it was thinking of Oliver that helped me go on. I thought about all the pain he endured through his surgeries, treatments and chemotherapy. Any minor pains in my feet, legs or side was really nothing compared to that. I was inspired how he persevered through all that and that helped put things in perspective. Lots of people had friends or family standing beside the roads cheering them on. I pictured Oliver standing on the sidelines cheering me on, making fun of me, or just smiling as he watched me go by. I would imagine him being right around the next corner and when I would see him I felt like I could keep going. During the last mile I saw him at the finish line, just waiting for me to meet him there and give him a big sweaty hug.

Although I know these visions were all in my imagination, doesn’t make them less real to me. I had two great friends I consider as brothers run with me today and we finished together at 2:08:31 (much faster than I thought I would do). But in the race of life, I’ve had a lot of people help keep me going and inspire me. No single person has had more of an impact on me than Oliver. I’m still running this race of life, and I believe he’ll be waiting there for me at the finish line.

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I’m about to take off and drive the wonderful 2+ hours to the glorious land of Vancouver, British Columbia. This magical place has amazing Asian food (esp. in Richmond), beautiful architecture downtown, is home to my favorite places of Stanley Park and Granville Island. But I won’t be enjoying all of that this weekend. I’m on a mission. The goal is to run 21.097494 kilometers.

[photo courtesy of kk+]

Remember when I was talking about training for the Vancouver Half Marathon back in February? Well, the time has finally come. My training has been streaky: it started off well, and then I got sick and the weather in Seattle is not quite conducive to outdoor running (at least not for a Texas boy). I loathe running on treadmills. While they’re easy on the feet, I just get absolutely bored, and I feel trapped or like a hamster in a wheel. Unfortunately, the Microsoft gym doesn’t have as beautiful scenery as the Stanford gym Green Lake does. So it wasn’t until the beginning of April that I started slowly training again. I was a little worried, but last weekend I was able to power through a 10-mile run through the wonderful Seattle rain.

It’s not going to be easy, and honestly it’s more of a mental and psychological challenge than a physical challenge if you ask me. But I believe God will give me strength to get through. I was telling myself last weekend as my fee, ankles and knees were in pain: this pain is really nothing compared to the pain that Oliver went through. I guess he’s still inspiring me in new ways.

Since 13 miles didn’t motivate me to get a regular training schedule, I might have to raise the bar. Depending on how I feel after tomorrow’s run, I’m considering signing up for the Seattle Full Marathon. I’ll have more time this summer, and Seattle weather is absolutely gorgeous in the summer and perfect for running. If I do that, I’ll probably try to raise money for Oliver’s memorial fund which supports colon cancer research at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. More details to come if i decide to actually go through with this.

Luckily I’m running the half marathon with my two friends Derek and Kenneth. I’m excited to hang out with these guys and go through the pain together. May the Force be with us.

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